Chaptzem Blog!      

What about a "Tuna Beigel" ?I'm trying to figure hat one out.

 

m deeply sympathetic to the growing problem of "Yoily coke-heads." I just wanted to address one flaw in your article - the presumption that anyone who grew up modern therefore grew up on the streets with drugs: "Unlike the regular 'moderne chevrah' that have grown up on the street all their life exposed to drugs, and at least, for all it's worth, know when they're about to blow their mind out,"

I am a baal teshuva, and I did not grow up on the streets thank you very much, nor did I grow up exposed to drugs. two times in my life I saw people smoking pot, and that's the only time I ever saw a drug. And yes, I went to secular college as well, and boarded in the dorms. Most of the people in this country happen to live respectable, decent lives. If you're living in a poor area of Brooklyn such as Williamsburg, then looking at the non-Jews around you isn't a pretty picture. But I have news for you: 99% of this country is not living like that.

The idea that all non-charieidm gorw up on the streets taking drugs is a myth perpetuated by chareidi parents who want to scare their kids into staying on the derech. ("The secular world is so bad! People are wild and do drugs!") The problem with this tactic is that chareidim who are raised this way automatically assume that baalei teshuva grew up on the streets and did drugs and worse. And people like myself truly suffer as a consequence.

Another reason that people assume all non-chareidim grow up "on the streets surrounded by drugs" is that when chareidi youth go off the derech, they tend to go all the way. For some reason you don't see bochurim from Willy decided to ditch the peyos in favor of studying to become doctors, but rather to become Yoily-coke-heads for whatever reason. So people end up thinking that if going OFF the derech means going on drugs, then a BT coming ON the derech means coming off drugs. Not so!

And perhaps part of the misconception comes from reading secular newspapers. If I would form my opinion of chasidim based on newspapers, I would assume that all chasidim are drug trafficking, money laundering, welfare defrauding embezzlers. Is it true? Of course not! Just as you can't draw an accurate picture of the chassidishe world based on newspaper artciles, you can't draw conclusions about 99% of this country based on them either.

Most of those horror stories happen in terrible neighborhoods or if not, are unusual occurrences - hence the fact that they are newsworthy. There are nearly 300 million people in this county. Only a scant few make it to the newspapers. And in fact, most secular Jews in America make a good living and live in good neighborhoods, so BT's are even more removed from these problems.

The reason I'm writing so long about this one point, which might appear minor to many of you, is that this issue is that I have to live with the repercussions of these terrible assumptions every day as a BT. I'm tired of having people make ridiculous assumptions about me based on my BT status. I hope that writing this will help inform and educate those chareidim who read these boards.

 

ha ha ''tuna beigel'' has the same meaning (most probably) lol

 

To BT struggling w/ people judging him:
My best advice to you is LEAVE THE NY AREA and come to a small community, like cleveland or boston. In these places, BTs are a big chunk of the charedi jewish community, and acceptance is very high. Also, people tend to be much friendlier and as a result of schools/lifestyle kids are much better prepared for life. No coke-heads around here.
[P.S. I'm a BT myself]

 

Firstly, there is no need to tell anyone you are a BT. If asked, say you were Young Israel. Secondly, most FFB (at least in the Brooklyn area) have such poor education, they can barely read and write in any language. Their knowledge of yidishkaite is scant at best. If you have secular education, you are far better than 99% of Brooklyn's FFB. Any "bad" treatment you get is simple jealousy because you are more articulate and intelligent.

 

While I understand the BT's frustrations, the problem lies with our so-called Jewish education system, namely, the frum one, which does not address the subject of drugs at all. It should be absolutely mandatory for my kids to learn (on a professional level, the Jewish community has many personnel who specialize in these areas), all about drugs, alcohol and smoking. If many Yeshivas ban the use of smoking, they should go one step further and teach about the effects of all the above on the human body. Then we stand a chance.

 

To #3 & #2,
You can add Passaic, NJ to your list. Lots of BTs here yet, within great proximity to NYC metro area. Very nice community.

 

to BT struggling:
i really admire all your accomplishments! Anyone that chooses to become frum and invest all the work to do so is a true hero.

chazak chazak v'nischazek!
don't let anyone discourage you!

p.s. i am an FFB, and when i talk to BT's I feel so ashamed since they have so much more emunah, bitachon, and knowledge about yidishkeit than myself and alot of my ffb friends and family! you are all a true inspiration!!

 

CLEVELAND??? HA! Are you KIDDING? Do you have any idea what is going on here??? This is the Judge others negatively capital of the US!!

 

To the Motzi Shem Rah about Cleveland:
I live in Cleveland, and I have no idea what you are talking about.
You must be have gotten some underserving tochacha at some point, and became bitter.
Overcome your biases, and learn to appreciate what a great place Cleveland is.

 

To the individual who commented about the Clevelander...

You used the term "motzei Shame Rah:, isn't that being judgemental? There, point proven.

 

to the previous commentator:
he's definitely motzi shem ra, b/c even if he had one (or, let's dan lekaf zchus, a few) bad experience(s) with people being judgmental in cleveland, it certainly does not give him the right to blacklist the whole community, which is, by and large, a very kind and acceptive community. There's no judgment over here. If you criticize an entire city based on a few events, you are motzi shem ra according to all shitos and poskim.